So yeah what had happened was.....
I know it's been a while. A long while. I disappeared like I tend to because you know, juggling...
I will do my best with this post to summarize the gap with the points that are sticking out in my present. Now  

THAT TIME WHEN.....

• I was in a store with my daughter and we passed a gentleman speaking with his dog. He had the most lovely voice so me being me immediately stopped to compliment him. Know what I wanted to say was "You have such a lovely baritone quality to your voice. It would be perfect for reading audio books for others. But what came out of my mouth instead was "My God you have such a nice timber to your voice. I could listen to you read me bedtime stories every night". Yep I did that.. I created that awkward and Izzy just let me step right in it. He looked shocked (he was in his 70's at least) and I walked away wondering what in the world just came out of my mouth.
• There was a field trip for Gabe's kindergarten class to go down to the beach and drag nets to see what kind of life is natural to this area. The trip was going well enough. As the kids are swarming to catch all the fish I am standing back some with other parents. The woman next to me has a baby papoosed on her chest. I mention how comfortable that must feel. To be carried around all cocooned. Then the inevitable happens and I keep talking...."You know that's what all these lonely mid life men should do. Hire themselves as a carrying service for women who need to cocoon." And without much hesitation she puts on the most 'you are total bat shit crazy' smile while literally side stepping away from me. I totally get it. I walked away from that conversation wondering WTF did I just say?

FINDING THE LOVE

• Over the summer on a late spring/early summer day Gabe and I were outside on a mom and dads front porch just watching nature. He had a magnifying glass and was trying to really inspect all the insects out on their morning adventures. Needless to say they kept flying away and he would laugh and at one point exclaimed "Wait! Wait! Let me discover you..." as he was chasing them. It was unbelievably adorable.
• Major revelations on my own behavior. Always working towards integrity, authenticity and genuineness.

MY SOUNDTRACK

• Crush - Tessa Violet 
• Motivation - Benjamin Booker
• When I Get There - Big Wild (SO MUCH THIS ONE)
• 100 Miles Across The Room - Damien Rice
• My Type - Saint Motel
• Angelic Voices - B tribe
• Saint James Infirmary - Hugh Laurie
• Have It All - Jason Mraz
• Maybe IDK - Jon Bellion
• Pretty Girl - Maggie Lindemann
• Tragedy - Norah Jones
• Slow Hands - Niall Horan
• Via con me - Paolo Conte
• Stana Maria - Del Buen Ayre Tango - Gotan Project
• Cold Blood - Dave Not Dave
• Addicted to You - Scorpio Loon
• I'm Into You - Chet Faker

LAUGHS
Gabe has been insistent on wanting a phone to text. I set up a number for him on the ipad and he has been texting me all morning. He is 6. We had some good laughs over this

LIKES

• Mr. Right 
• No Tomorrow
• Galavant
• Santa Clarita Diet

SNAPSHOTS

Random Thoughts

You cannot dodge responsibility for how and why your life is the way it is. If you don't like your job, you are accountable. If you are overweight, you are accountable. If you are not happy, you are accountable. You are creating the situations you are in and the emotions that flow from those situations.

Don't play the role of victim, or use past events to build excuses. It guarantees you no progress, no healing, and no victory. You will never fix a problem by blaming someone else. Whether the cards you've been dealt are good or bad, you're in charge of yourself now.

Every choice you make " including the thoughts you think " has consequences. When you choose the behavior or thought, you choose the consequences. If you choose to stay with a destructive partner, then you choose the consequences of pain and suffering. If you choose thoughts contaminated with anger and bitterness, then you will create an experience of alienation and hostility. When you start choosing the right behavior and thoughts " which will take a lot of discipline " you'll get the right consequences.

You either teach people to treat you with dignity and respect, or you don't. This means you are partly responsible for the mistreatment that you get at the hands of someone else. You shape others' behavior when you teach them what they can get away with and what they cannot.

If the people in your life treat you in an undesirable way, figure out what you are doing to reinforce, elicit or allow that treatment. Identify the payoffs you may be giving someone in response to any negative behavior. For example, when people are aggressive, bossy or controlling " and then get their way " you have rewarded them for unacceptable behavior.

Because you are accountable, you can declare the relationship "reopened for negotiation" at any time you choose, and for as long as you choose. Even a pattern of relating that is 30 years old can be redefined. Before you reopen the negotiation, you must commit to do so from a position of strength and power, not fear and self-doubt.