There were many of times where I should have put my foot down and firmly setting a boundary. Instead I swallowed myself down in an effort to show compassion. To extend the kindness and understanding that I would like if the situation was reversed. This unfortunately established the pattern that I would always be the pattern. That I am not valid enough to be anything but a placeholder that staves off unhappiness. In many ways I was an enabler to unhappiness. By not standing my ground I enabled the pattern to keep repeating.
I was taught that the one who sees the problem is the one responsible for fixing the problem.
And as much as that might make you cringe if you think about it, it's true. We forget that sometimes what is a problem to us is not a problem to others. Therefore if something is bothering you it is your responsibility to address it and be responsible for it. Not make it someone elses. What I mean is let us say that I am feeling like I am not enough and I express it to my other. Me expressing it does not suddenly make it their responsibility to fix it. They can listen, offer possible solutions, be empathetic, or try adjusting their own behavior. It is not up to me which thing they choose. You can also offer suggestions or ask for help but it does not make the other responsible for it. They will speak up when they are having a problem, rest assured.
woman - "I don't feel appreciated."
man - "You can go in the kitchen and make me a sandwich then bring it to me and I'll appreciate you."
woman - "Can you pay me a compliment that does not involve my body or my looks?"
man - "You make a damn good sandwich."
woman - "I'm serious. I'm feeling vulnerable."
man - "Hey, you're a good mom"
woman - "Thank you"
man - "Now how about that sandwich?" (This is where woman should now set her boundary based on what she needs to feel better. A negotiation)
woman - "The price for it is no nookie"
(This is where man now has a problem of his own)
This is where a man feels as though she is using sex as a weapon and where the woman is trying not to feel more used or unappreciated. And somewhere in that negotiation blame happens and the passing of responsibility because that is what we have been taught.
I wrote once that any thought the mind has that the heart believes is true becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. That is the power of belief. Belief is acceptance. When you accept what others say about you, you in turn believe it when you do not need to. And you don't have to have a reason to validate, or qualify why what they say is not true. You are simply allowed not to accept it. No bells and whistles. No rights or wrongs. It is just their opinion. Maybe sometimes their opinions are right. Own that shit. Take accountability and responsibility for what you know is true. Humility is the ability to be humble. To understand that you are human and you err as much as anyone else. We all make mistakes and bad decisions. Forgive yourself before allowing those insecurities to judge others.
THAT TIME WHEN.....
- My 7yr old got in the car and asked me point blank "What's a cunt?" After I started breathing again I asked him where he saw or heard the word to which he replied "It was on a jacket in walmart." As an acronym I figured out after a few questions.
- My daughter nailed me with this zinger: daughter - "You see those kids more than you see us" me - "Ow! You wound me. I will be crying myself to sleep tonight." daughter - "Well, at least we have that in common."
- "Albert Einstein because he is smart as f***! Yeah Baby!"
- I love you wider than a smile
- I'll hold you tight enough that you still feel like you can run away
- Along came this person who saw more in me than I did of myself
- Your smile melts my world like a lollipop left on the dashboard in the middle of summer
- You are my time for myself
- I miss your warmth
- You are far from defeat in my arms
MY SOUNDTRACK
- Look It Here - Nathaniel Rateliff
- Seashore - The Regrettes
- The First Day of My Life - Bright Eyes
- Space Song - Beach House
- Bijou - Queen
- Put A Flower In Your Pocket - The Arcs
- Young Folks - Peter, Bjorn, and John
- Stupid Deep - Jon Bellion
- My World - Deluxe
- Wolf - Chinese Man
- Come Along - Cosmo Sheldrake
- The Moss - Cosmo Sheldrake
- Annie Mae - John Lee Hooker
LAUGHS
- Ow! My toe! Ow! That hurts! Geez it's cold
- Most goodest and Leastest baddest
- With real blueberries... pictured on the box
- Double Nakedtive
- I tondeled your foe
- I chew, I chew, I chew
That's not a sneeze
That's the sound of me
eating my enemies - You aint right (in the head) and you're happy about it
- Respondo, Ahora es massage chairo timeo
- Liewish
- Slaplapse
- Banterbeast & Witty Bird
- I am going to poot. I did it. Too late now.
- God dammit! Look at it! That's a God damn king fisher!
- *Billie playing a wooden flute*
Chase "This is my Jam"
Billie "Would you like to play the flute?"
Chase "No thanks, I'm trying to quit"
- Junebugs
- Locusts
- Breezes
- Laughter
- Riding Bikes
- Climbing trees
- Nighttime concerts in the park
- Insubordination
- Pillow Fights
- Elbows
SNAPSHOTS
