Gasms - desired anticipation

I love the feeling in desired anticipation.
For me it's through a sort of enchantment.
The feeling right before two lips touch in a kiss.
Seeing a friend when you needed them most.
Waiting to surprise someone.
The touch of someone else's hand on your skin.
The trail of ecstatic pleasure in a single fingertip.
The sort of breath stealing awe when standing on a mountain top
or suspended in an underwater world while scuba diving.
When you sing effortlessly and the notes vibrate throughout you.
Fireflies turning warm nights into magic gateways.

But also the way desire can feel all on its own.
Not desire to own, born of want but desire to feel.
Like just after a great stretch when your whole body exhales and says ahhhhh.
The joy felt in laughter.
The warmth in a hug.
Playful sarcasm.
Reunions.
Sunlight kissing the skin
(It happens. I know because those kisses leave behind freckles. I'm well kissed.)
Your bare feet on the earth.

Because truly the really good shit is so good.
Toe-curling, heart touchingly, deliciously good.
The aching, yearning, need satiated and becoming a pulsing, comforting, ecstatic calm.

Whatever you feel you get to choose.
I choose to experience as much soul in ever aspect of my life that I can.
From bluesy soul, Motwon soul, funky soul, swanky soul.
Soul with GRIT.
I like to  feel to its greatest intensity.
With every atom of my body and being.
That, "I didn't just survive, I thrived" feeling.
I felt it all and I'm still here baby.
Soul is the constant running through everything in my life.
Soul is my transmutation container. 

SOUNDTRACK

• Los Ageless - St. Vincent
• Melatonin - Phoria
• The Ghost In Your Smile - Jarle Skavhellen
• Elegy - Leif Vollebekk
• Beneath The Surface - Demons Of Ruby Mae
• Bud - Fenne Lily
• If U C My Enemies - Rubblebucket
• I Can't Get To Sleep - Alexander Wolfe
• Is Free (feat. Flock of Dimes) - Sylvan Esso
• No One Knows (feat. Inara George) - Olivier Libaux
• Dear Wormwood - The Oh Hellos
• Golden - Kingswood
• Guilty - Lady Wray
• Lullaby For a Soldier - Maggie Siff
• A fuoco - Ludovico Einaudi

Random Thoughts:

On a scale of 25 strengths, my top strength is appreciating beauty and excellence. My second strongest trait is Curiosity. I am a heavily curious person. I love to 'what if' to see other possibilities or snippets of possibilities. I'm constantly changing my perspective and engaging in different ways on different levels. I not only do it logically and objectively but also 'feel' it and observe myself doing all those things.

Objective dreaming. A different kind of awareness. Lucid dreaming. Emotions have effects even when sleeping. The more I can objectively observe my life from outside myself the more it occurs when I'm dreaming. So it is literally turning into a world of its own in a way as I change it's environment thoughtfully. My dreams are a place where I get to 'feel' unhindered. Absolutely no judgment. 

I am Ghee

We all start like milk. It is our base state. 
With nothing but time, parts of us start to rise to the surface.

This is our cream. Rich and silky in texture. 
Some of us stay this way, a mixture of both skim milk and cream.
Some of us take that cream and truly create magic.
While others skim away and discard the cream and all that remains is skim milk.
Not as robust as when they first started.If cream was a body then fat is it's skeleton.
Discarding their 'bones' to remain a skinnier version of their former selves.
Yet others allow force to morph them.
They use the force to their advantage. 
With a little whipping you get whipped cream.
Add a little sugar and a touch of vanilla and you have a light airy goodness
It goes great with desserts. Lots of people love whipped cream.
If you continue your journey with force the next step is butter and buttermilk.
Who doesn't love these?! Or maybe that's just my Austro-Hungarian roots speaking.
Butter made from cream with nothing but maybe salt added is much healthier to eat than most of what you find in the store.
Now in truth some skim milk people believe they are butter but don't realize they are just a poor imitation product made of many things that are absolutely horrible for you. 
The next step with butter is to apply heat and make clarified butter and eventually Ghee.
It has a longer shelf life than butter and higher smoke point.
It also has a delicious browned, nutty, caramel-like taste and aroma.
I am Ghee. I am a bit nutty.
My point in this is when we face outside force we can use it to enhance ourselves. To morph into healthier things. 
When you avoid force you become skim milk.
A portion of what you were before. Boneless. Less. 
Don't be skim milk.
Take the whipping and be something more.

SOUNDTRACK

• Trusty and True - Damien Rice
• Raise it Up - Distant Cousins
• What About Us - Pink
• Whatever You Want - Pink
• So What - Pink
• Never A Time - Genesis
• Sabotage - Beastie Boys
• Perhaps Perhaps Perhaps - Doris Day
• While My Guitar Gently Weeps - Santana and India Arie
• Son of a Preacher Man - Dusty Springfield
• River Deep, Mountain High - Tina Turner
• I Was Made to Love You - Stevie Wonder

SNAPSHOTS