The Locals

Today was a beautiful day. Most days as of late have been filled with so much. So many possibilities. So many opportunities. So many moments. So many thoughts.

Sometimes It's hard to know where to begin when sitting down to write. I  made a vow to myself not to edit. To just allow however it wants to come out with whatever words escape from my fingers before I am aware of it.

This morning after taking Gabe to school I returned home to update my playlist before meeting my sister at the pier to see what magic we could find. Firstly I LOVE music. It is the soundtrack to my life. I love to delve in to songs, lyrics, beats, rhythm, and cadence. I hoard it like pirate treasure and I like to change out my music on my phone about every month or so. I started the morning off with some Damien Rice - Hypnosis. Loaded up the phone, stopped to get gas, and grabbed some breakfast that I ate in the car while heading down to the pier.

We had a chilly week last week. The temperature and weather here sometimes makes me feel as though it has tourette's. This week is pushing 80 degrees. I beat Vicki to the pier and so I took some time just listening to the water slosh and against the wall and introduced myself to the local fisherman who I notice on a regular basis.

Some of them are like staples or fixtures, as much a part of the pier and the area as the pelican's and seagulls. Tony can usually be found throwing his 14ft. cast net and true to that statement he was there doing just that. I like Tony. He always has a smile and a friendly disposition. He showed me is growing collection of freshly caught fish. They were a decent size. The water was almost impeccably calm and clear so it took some guess work out of where and when to throw.

I met a very weathered man whom the fisherman all seem to know and chatted with him briefly. I did not catch his name but the local fisherman love his home made jerky. He seemed a natural fit. As weathered as the wooden railings that run along the pier and just as battered. He had much character but did not stay long as he had to drive to Mobile which he was dreading.

I walked a little further on and met a nice older gentleman who taught me a little about stingrays and the crater like holes they make. There were so many today just sort of blending in to the muddy bottom, sitting very still looking for morsels of food.

I returned to the parking lot and waited on Vicki who was just now parking. I find her so comforting. I didn't always as I'm sure all siblings understand but she has such a sweet and gentle nature and one of the biggest hearts I've had the pleasure to witness. She and my other sister are my center. They feel like home to me.

I showed her how clear the water was and all the stuff that was pointed out to me. She took many pictures with a proper camera. Crabs, pigeons, pelicans, sting rays, sand pipers, and fish scales were all things we captured.

We stayed until we were positively sweaty until other errands called us along.

I returned home and admittedly I took a small nap after taking care of some small things. I then went and picked Gabe and Izabel up. We played with chalk and water on the porch while conversing and sharing music.

And finished out the day with some sonic car racing game on the ps3.

I enjoy those moments. I enjoy playing with my environment. That being said it was also an exhausting day. As night time crept in I found my thoughts getting away from me. Starting to compound a list of not's, cant's, and wont's. Luckily I caught it.

I'm getting faster at that. Stopping my mind from focusing on shit I really can't do anything about at the present moment. So much of my life was spent on worrying, fear, and anger. For what? It produced no commodity. It only served to circle on itself and make it all worse and yet for so long I willingly fed it much like the plant in little shop of horrors.

You only have so much energy and time and none of it is ever promised. It is too precious a thing to spend on other people's bullshit and opinions. I used to feel selfish for feeling that way but it's just another manipulation and I'm tired of living by other's rules and beliefs.

It is now very late. I know I should get to bed but I find the solace and quiet of the night so relaxing. No demands to be made of me. No questions to answer. No one to satisfy but myself. No mowers, no neighbors, no noise. Just me, the silence and the moon.

I love this picture. I think beauty can be found anywhere. I have always been morbid. Fascinated by it. I probably should have been a crime scene photographer, or perhaps not. I might have gotten fired for getting to artsy with my photos.

Either way I enjoy the little bloody footprints of a sand piper. There were three of them out there finding little morsels of fish in cracks and crevices.

I have always been drawn to the darker things. The shadows. The macabre. Sometimes I find the most beautiful piece of instrumental music and imagine the most horrific picture I can to go with it. I like to combine things that are opposites.

I suppose I should go to bed.

Random thoughts

The funny thing about alone
There is no one trying to tell you otherwise
My voice ever so faint whispered to me. I listened
It asked questions. I listened
It got louder. I listened.
It comforted. I listened.
It nudged. I listened.
Until I Believed.

Slowly listening turned in to action
“You are valid” it would poke
Believe in what you say
I rose
I stared down fear
Leaning in with a wicked smile
You left me alone for too long
Or in fact just long enough
I changed
A metamorphosis

I am poetry in motion
The verb in a sentence
My body speaks in tongues
My soul unconfined
I am that point of exclamation!
Dotted exuberantly with intention!
Gusto. Bravery. Determination.
Tenacity. Passion. Surrender.
I am focused, honed, excitement.
Electric
A Generator
A live wire
Sparking
Lighting others up.

I am Love
Tender, Strong, Permeating
Patient, Forgiving, Wondrous
A torus of energy, forever folding and renewing
I found me
I found
I AM

The best gift I’ve ever opened.

Fingertips... travel...passion...dangling my feet...connection...waiting for the night to fall...the night will always win...sister moon be my guide...guide me...small of my back...hip joints....sway....breathe....dance....feel....whispers on the wind....twirl....swirl...spirals are my favorite shape....shape of the heart....state of man....torpedoes at the ready....Ready..Set... GO.....