I need to start an uplifting holiday poem. I signed up for a secret santa poetry dealio. I figured it would be a good challenge as I write morbid, dark, tortured things better than happy, skippy, floaty things and need the practice. My nature is sarcasm. I love absurd things and I love dark deep things. Don't get me wrong I like sunshine and gaiety and all that too but it always seems to come out as if Shel Silvertine, Dr. Seuss, Jim Henson, Edgar Allen Poe, Seth McFarlane, Beethoven, Tim Burton, David Mack, Roman Dirge, and Dita Von Teese all had an orgy and I was the final product.
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So my son Issac went down to sunset with me and we decided to walk and talk. I have really been wanting to just take walks lately. I love to just walk. I played hit shuffle on my phone and off we went. Depeche Mode waiting for the night comes on. This song takes me right back to my teenage years, sitting in a dark room with headphones on and just disappearing into the night. Halfway through the song I start thinking about their name and looked up to Issac and said "Are you depressed or are you depeched?" and then said "This music too despcheing for you?" and we both laughed.
I really enjoyed walking with him. He will be 15 in January. He has always had a gentle, happy nature. I used to worry that life would steal that from him but as I have watched him grow I am awed at who he is. He is wicked fast with numbers. Always has been. He understands them in a way that I envy. He has tenacity and drive to accomplish whatever it is he wants in the future. He is kind and decent and also at the moment a teenage boy and UGH! teenagers! It is a gift to be there as he grows and be someone he can trust and talk to. He is now taller than I am and pretty soon he won't look like my son to strangers. I fooled his friends last year at mardi gras. The ones I have not met. They just assumed I was another one of Issac's friends.
I have always loved the 'tucking in' part of parenting. That was always the best time to have conversations with my children. The together time. The time to see how their day made them feel. Answer questions they may have and just share. I like it so much that an hour can go by and I haven't noticed.
Gabe is the same. That is our processing together time. Our silly time. Our present time. His mind is changing so rapidly. His sentence structured has changed and his personality is really starting to coalesce. I recorded a bit of last night on my phone. Every time he has something to say it starts with 'Guess What' and he is on everyone about how they must say 'Bless You' when someone sneezes. The conversation wove through Burps. Snores. Basketball. Dribbling. Soccer. Swinging on a ceiling fan. Why being kind is important. Red hearts and silver hearts and organic body versus immortal soul.
I have explained to Gabe that anything is possible but it involves more than just what we see. There are some things that belong in T.V. world. This is anything he is witnessing through media of any kind but things like zombies and dragons etc are for T.V. world. All of which are just stories like in the books we read. They just use other mediums to tell their stories but they are stories all the same. Then there is the physical material world of life. Why people behave, what feelings and emotions mean, navigating technology, etc. For him I call it the real world. Then there is the Science / Math world which is where things like Minecraft, perspective, perception, spatial, frequency, dimensions, etc all fall.
He has been seeing the world like Minecraft. Made of blocks and last night lying in the room how we are inside a block. Also how his eyes and mind can fool him with the right lighting. Like how you wobble a pencil to make it appear bendy or when it's like the picture you are looking at is moving. He has been fascinated with why things like that happen and does that mean that it is real or TV or science. I love how literal children are.
With my children I know that I have imparted the things I felt were most important. Ask questions. Think about how you affect others and to be compassionate and patient with people. To have self worth. Know your strengths. Forgive your weaknesses. Face your fears. Trust your heart. Failure is just a trick, an illusion. Believe in yourself. Be un-apologetically you. Know your worth. Find your center. And most of all MAKE YOUR HAPPY. Life is about the questions. Not the answers. It isn't about what's being said, it's about what's not being said. Observe.
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There is a heavy throw rug in the living room and I got down to move the rug back to the position I wanted it in. During that process I had kind of ootzed under a table and upon getting the rug where I wanted, stood up. Sort of. I forgot the table was above me so I ended up scraping my entire back on the under edge of the table lip. Sigh.
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Dipshit... Ginger Beer... Ootzed... Ignite... Laundry...
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