I was in the grocery store to pick something up real quick and this woman approached me and needed some money. I put my item down and gave her all I had. She teared up and swore to god I was an angel. The ones that show up exactly when you need them and then you never see them again and no one else ever saw them. I assured her I lived in town. In the store all the time. She just was having none of it. And you know what I’ve never seen her again. It’s absolutely perfect. Totally solidified her belief that I was in fact an angel. Which made me think about a story where time travel is a commonplace but only used with the condition of returning to do one selfless act.
I was in a gas station right after 5 so it was full of blue collar men. Tarted up from the day. I was walking towards the counter after getting a cold coke and my right heal caught in the left pant leg that had gotten flipped up. The heal went in effortless and as I went to finish the stride I went over like Sandra Bullock in Miss Congeniality when she is walking to the plane. I gave quick thought to just laying there and pretending to swim but decided jumping up like the floor had springs in it was better. I told the lady behind the counter that if it was caught on the surveillance camera she should totally watch it because that shit was funny. You are totally allowed to laugh at me when stuff like that happens. No one seemed to even really notice or help or laugh.
Two Halloweens ago I was climbing up an giant inflatable slide with gabe and it was kind of damp and I slipped and we went tumbling backwards, rolling down the stairs like the boulder in Indiana Jones and whilst we tumbled I protected Gabe. He and I were both laughing, harder with every rotation. My glasses flew off with enough force to knock out one lens which was never found. Again the only real shame is it was not caught on camera.
FINDING THE LOVE
- It doesn’t always occur to me how much of a stranger I am to people. I do my best to treat everyone like they are family. I take how I feel about my sisters and apply that feeling to everyone I meet the best I can. The only problem is I forget I am a stranger to the other person. I get now why people view me the way they do. To me you aren't a stranger.
- We are the magic. We've just been taught to misuse it. We need to stop focusing on the things we fear and instead focus on what we love. We have true creative power and I think people have forgotten how much change and growth is in it. We are all so busy keeping our heads down trying to make it through the day, week, month, or year. We forget to be entranced. A lot of people have forgotten what it is to feel true presence and passion, and what it is like to have a childlike wonder and curiosity.
- I took Gabe with me to sunset. He was having a blast running all over the piles of sand dumped in to be spread around. He's funny, that kid. I tell him not to get wet and then that's the thing he now must do straight away. He thinks they are challenges I suppose. He did not want to leave. I told him I could bring him back tomorrow night for the next sunset.
Words are everything and nothing. Without the heart, words are empty. The duality of their handshake, and yet we focus more on the words than the heart behind them. We use them to express but even that is sloppy at it's best for how can you express something when you are only paying attention to half of the equation? They are a kind duality and polarity. They move us beyond realms and at the same time limit and restrict what we are truly trying to say.
Words are weapons and band-aids. We over explain and use more words than necessary to try and convey what the heart understands simply. Forever trying to define more when what we need is less. We put words first when they should sometimes be last. Forever dividing, categorizing, and separating as we zoom in the microscope to try to understand the complexities of the universe. For as much as we zoom in we have forgotten we also need to zoom out. Once something is divided and categorized we need to then back up and fuzzy the image and its high definition. To stop seeing the individual pixels and see how they all add to the bigger image.
We forget the constant duality of everything. Good versus Bad. Dark versus Light. Happy versus Sad. Turmoil versus Peace. The problem is the versus. They are not at odds like we tend to believe for everything has a purpose. You do not grow without pain. It is as much a benefit to us as what we feel are the positives. When you understand that the shadow is not there to scare you but to help you understand the beauty it posses then we become a more whole entity.
Duality/Polarity is the program the 3rd dimension is built on. Like a giant yin-yang forever circling. Sometimes I am the small white dot in a giant black space trying to illuminate the divine. Sometimes I am the small black dot turned inward and hating myself in all the pure white. Sometimes I am the big black space existing for others to see their light and sometimes I am the big white space offering empathy and love and compassion for others lost.
Words, words, How I love words and yet they aren't enough. They are the gateway to your inner self and the reality you exist in but they are not everything, just another expression trying to understand to express.
MY SOUNDTRACKWords are weapons and band-aids. We over explain and use more words than necessary to try and convey what the heart understands simply. Forever trying to define more when what we need is less. We put words first when they should sometimes be last. Forever dividing, categorizing, and separating as we zoom in the microscope to try to understand the complexities of the universe. For as much as we zoom in we have forgotten we also need to zoom out. Once something is divided and categorized we need to then back up and fuzzy the image and its high definition. To stop seeing the individual pixels and see how they all add to the bigger image.
We forget the constant duality of everything. Good versus Bad. Dark versus Light. Happy versus Sad. Turmoil versus Peace. The problem is the versus. They are not at odds like we tend to believe for everything has a purpose. You do not grow without pain. It is as much a benefit to us as what we feel are the positives. When you understand that the shadow is not there to scare you but to help you understand the beauty it posses then we become a more whole entity.
Duality/Polarity is the program the 3rd dimension is built on. Like a giant yin-yang forever circling. Sometimes I am the small white dot in a giant black space trying to illuminate the divine. Sometimes I am the small black dot turned inward and hating myself in all the pure white. Sometimes I am the big black space existing for others to see their light and sometimes I am the big white space offering empathy and love and compassion for others lost.
Words, words, How I love words and yet they aren't enough. They are the gateway to your inner self and the reality you exist in but they are not everything, just another expression trying to understand to express.
- I've Been Falling - Nathaniel Rateliff
- Look It Here - Nathaniel Rateliff
- Blackout - Muse
- Firey Heart, Fiery Mind - Alice Phoebe Lou
- Orbit - Alice Phoebe Lou
- She - Alice Phoebe Lou
- Particles - Olafur Arnalds
- Do Whatcha - The Harpoonist & The Axe Murderer
- Bust Your Knee Caps - Pomplamoose
- Forever's Not Enough - Soren Bryce
- Until... - Sting
- A Thousand Years - Sting
- To Build A Home - The Cinematic Orchestra
Eddie Izzard. If you have never seen his Dress To Kill then I highly recommend it. I love well thought out comedy. My family and I quote him often.
The Bitch in Apt 23 which didn't run for very long but has James Van Der Beek playing himself and it's hilarious. I like it when people can poke fun at themselves.
LIKES
- Outtakes
- Tickles
- Freckles
- Dalt over sweet
- Fog
- Being on the water in whatever capacity
- Rain gutter paper boat races
- Sliding down hills
- Talking with strangers
- Dancing - all kinds
- Finger food
SNAPSHOTS
Random Thoughts
The Great Year. So we all take in new and old knowledge through the glasses of prejudice. Thinking that through our experience and reason we do a good job of finding a set of morals on which to build our opinions, truths and realities. We do good for a consciousness level of living within our five senses. We are however collectively getting tired of this linear model of growth and oppression. I am fascinated by history and ancient history.
Our myths and legends are not just night time stories. We need to look to our past and see it without those glasses. When you read ancient history it should be done with the mindset of a child. The ability to see any story as truth. Without getting caught up with the rules of what recent past generations taught.
All ancient cultures speak of a great year. A cycle of time that goes from a dark age to a golden age every 24,000 years. Astronomers are now being able to prove it as true.
If we can stop and remember how smart we are, we can see the bigger procession and our current place in it. An upswing towards the golden age. That is a huge message of hope in a time when so many right now know our current beliefs and reality is not working in a harmony our heart and potential already understand. Your built in instincts.
I imagine some part of me is standing in the library of consciousness in that 24,000 year of perceived time and picking up books containing all knowledge acquired from the last great year and the recent start out of the dark ages and some of the Bronze Age. If we can stop and look at ourselves from there and into our ancient past then we can see what our future holds, if we can start working in unison instead of having a large portion of the global population stuck in servitude to the other.
I like reading from that library. It reminds me we are so much more than we currently remember.
Our myths and legends are not just night time stories. We need to look to our past and see it without those glasses. When you read ancient history it should be done with the mindset of a child. The ability to see any story as truth. Without getting caught up with the rules of what recent past generations taught.
All ancient cultures speak of a great year. A cycle of time that goes from a dark age to a golden age every 24,000 years. Astronomers are now being able to prove it as true.
If we can stop and remember how smart we are, we can see the bigger procession and our current place in it. An upswing towards the golden age. That is a huge message of hope in a time when so many right now know our current beliefs and reality is not working in a harmony our heart and potential already understand. Your built in instincts.
I imagine some part of me is standing in the library of consciousness in that 24,000 year of perceived time and picking up books containing all knowledge acquired from the last great year and the recent start out of the dark ages and some of the Bronze Age. If we can stop and look at ourselves from there and into our ancient past then we can see what our future holds, if we can start working in unison instead of having a large portion of the global population stuck in servitude to the other.
I like reading from that library. It reminds me we are so much more than we currently remember.
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A fly lives for 28 days. I wonder if we started as much smaller life forms and over time and repetition evolution happens and adaptation until one day you are at the awareness of your existence of a house fly. For all you know an entire universe exists for only 28 days. What must that be like? Time being an illusion as we know it, however long later you attain a larger thing like a cat or a tree or a whale. Sometimes you aren't a larger thing but rather something that is similar that has a longer life span. Until we reach a certain state of consciousness and awareness that we form as human. How long has this energy that is everything been figuring itself out. I wonder what the next evolution in this ladder is.
I was thinking we are the flys to the very old trees. There are trees that take thousands of years to grow. From the perspective of the tree we are but a quick blip in their time. A generation appearing as that of a fly. Around for a minuscule amount of time like the house fly to us.
I was thinking we are the flys to the very old trees. There are trees that take thousands of years to grow. From the perspective of the tree we are but a quick blip in their time. A generation appearing as that of a fly. Around for a minuscule amount of time like the house fly to us.
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I am not a cave person. If you have windows then open them! Let light in. Wind is my true solace. The breath of the earth upon my skin forever begging me to dance with it. It blows through me and cleanses. It is my cpr in my darkest times. It resuscitates me. The gentle caress or the raging tempest it matters not. I have struggled to find my place but his year it has hit me like a piano falling from a tall building. I am a preserver. That is my nature. I need the breeze. I need to dig my bare toes into the dirt. To feel the sun. To constantly be enraptured by my sister moon. I want wide open spaces, textures, symphonies of the great orchestra of the outside. To feel every inch of life with every inch of myself.
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I used to think that I must not feel anxiety the same as others. Anytime I went to a doctors appointment they would tell me I had an excellent heart rate, just where it should be. The thing is I was always nervous and to me it felt as though my heart was pounding. I would make efforts to breathe slower and try to remain calm. It wasn't until I had to have my first surgery that I understood. My resting heart rate when I am kicked back and watching t.v. or reading is 46 bpm. The doctor told me that if I could not get my heart rate up I wouldn't be able to go through with the surgery. It made sense then. All those times before it wasn't that my heart rate was excellent, it was speeding, buy my speeding rate is most other's calm rate. This also explains why I am always cold. It's not a defect. My heart is strong and healthy it just beats at a slower rate than others. I had another doctor tell me I could possibly slow it down to a point where I would appear dead but wouldn't be.
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