Defining Moments: The air feels flat and Happy New Year

So i'm having a conversation the other day and I hear the word flat and something clicked for me. Lately I have been noticing that the air 'feels' flat. I have spent the last week trying to find the right way to describe it and the word flat jumped out at me.

You know how when you are outside in nature that the air 'feels' alive. Oxygenated. Moving. Swirling. Life. It has depth. Well I've noticed that there these pockets of 'flatness' that are popping up. I most often feel it when I'm inside. In some rooms more than others.

When talking with my daughter she referenced it as soda that's lost all it's carbonation. There are no bubbles. No effervescence. Flat. And that comes really close to how I mean it but it was still lacking something. Then it occurred to me that it's like a Jubilee.

A jubilee is the name used locally for a natural phenomenon that occurs sporadically on the shores of Mobile Bay. During a jubilee many species of crab and shrimp, as well as flounder, eels, and other demersal fish will leave deeper waters and swarm - in large numbers and very high density - in a specific, shallower coastal area of the bay.

They happen when accumulated organic material on the bay floor could, under a certain set of conditions, result in a rapid depletion of oxygen in parts of the bay, driving fish to the surface seeking oxygenated water. 

Jubilees occur only in the summer. They usually occur in the early morning hours before sunrise. If wind direction (easterly), surface temperature, salinity, and tidal variation interact in ways that allow or promote a jubilee, the situation can develop rather quickly.

I was lucky enough to experience one of these one night when I was all night fishing at the  end of the pier. It is a very surreal experience. Usually as one happens word spreads fast if you know the right people. I have yet to catch another one but it's truly only a matter of time.

Pictures from The Jubilee Phenomenon NOAA Estuary Education website

This more accurately describes the flat air I feel. Like there is missing oxygen. It has settled like dust. I know that some of this is my reaction to things like not getting out as much in the winter as I do in the summer. I know some of it is because I miss sunsets during winter because they happen to early for me to make it to them. I just don't think that's all of it.

Some of it is other people's energy for lack of a better way to define it. I say this because it isn't with me all the time. Energy stays in motion. And let's face it, it runs through everything. What I am doing is noticing where or who is 'flat'. Whether through things outside of there or them or because of there or them. 

This makes sense to me. I am an ENFP / ENTP. It is almost a 50/50 split between the two on percentages. The only things that are constant and not a close split is my E (extroversion) and the N. I say that to say this. I champion and inspire. I like to fight for the under dog and I like to try and offer hope when people feel they have none. I do not like to watch people struggle with emotional issues and feel a sense of dullness when there is so much around to 'experience' and 'fee' without having to make yourself feel shitty.

I involve my whole self heart and soul into what I do even if it's just listening to your problems. I commit all that I am. But here's the thing. I did this to the point of self harm. For a long time I was an excellent martyr. I ignored that the dust kept coming back. The air kept going flat and I would fix it because I noticed it. Much like a helicoptering parent. Because I got my children's milk so often they couldn't lift the gallon. I was helping too much. I used to have a tendency to do that.

How appropriate that The realization of a jubilee happening occurred on the last day of the year as we say farewell and face the one to come. This year had some giant revelations in it. It was filled with may tears both happy and sad. It is the year I decided to truly heal my heart and like who I am as a person. 

I am currently sipping mimosas with my hair in pig tails because I will greet the new year the way I want it to be. Playful and a little bit silly. I know it won't disappoint. And now I'm off to make sausage biscuits because it seems fitting to go with mimosas. Happy New Year to each and every one of you! It couldn't get here soon enough.