L O V E

The last two days have been a bit strange. Weird emotionally. Like being on the brink of being joyously happy and on the verge of raw tears at the same time. It 'feels' like when you hold your breath for too long. It's weighty in it's intensity whichever emotion is chosen. I did my best to keep distance from either to truly observe.

The first part of the day seemed bound and determined to try and overwhelm me to the point of tears. Not because of anything going on at the current moment but because of the moods of everyone around me. Watching so many struggle and sink in their own lives. For some its financial. For some its emotions. For others its physical. The list goes on and while the abstract noun changes, the intensity of each is felt to the same degree across the board.

This simply will not do. This is part of the reason I started making little voice postcards for people. Sometimes just actually hearing a friendly voice can help in some truly deep ways. It donned on me that this is how I love. A funny thing happened along the way. I started receiving some back and just the fact that someone took time to say good morning or simply hey there really touched me. In fact it makes me cry. As a very close friend of mine said "I never fail a friend in need. But I fail a friend day to day all the time."

I am guilty of the same. I know I can't possibly show love to everyone everyday and have it feel and be genuine. It doesn't stop me from trying sometimes though. This is why jealous people have a hard time with me. I feel everyone I care about deserves love. Deserves a good morning and a genuine friendship. Tangible. Meaningful. Solid. Just because I tell you I love you or feel a need to show you some care does not mean I want to spend the rest of my life solely with you to have and to hold forever. It means I love you here, now and if ever you should need me, there I'll be.

See, I'm capable of that. It is how I love. That does not mean I can't commit to a singular person. It means that if I can see friends need love and I have love to give then I will simply give it. We all need better loved. We all need genuine tenderness and care. I am happiest and most energized when those within my sphere are well loved. I sometimes get so busy checking in with myself that I forget to also check in on others. 

I also noticed that I start to feel 'off'' when I get caught up in society's view of love and start to forget my own. It can be a slow and subtle thing. See everyone speaks a different emotional language. I do my best to understand their language so that I can effectively communicate with them in a way that means something to the both of us. I'm not talking about the five love languages. It's not just about feeling loved. This is where society plays a hindrance because we get so focused on that one word and just one aspect of feeling it. Yes it is a part of love but to use the word love in it's stead and call it even is damaging in how it rewires our mentality. The truth is it's more about the act of genuine interest and care from others that so many are feeling a lack in.

We get all caught up in 'romantic' love or Eros love and have almost completely abandoned 'friendship' love or Philia love if you will. This is a kind of love between equals. A virtuous love that is free from the intensity of sexual attraction. It often involves feelings of loyalty among friends, camaraderie among team mates, and the sense of sacrifice for your pack.

Then you have Agape love. This not the sentimental outpouring that often passes as love in our society. It has nothing to do with the condition-based type of love that our sex-obsessed culture tries to pass as love. It is an unconditional love, bigger than ourselves, and boundless compassion, an infinite empathy. It is what the Buddhists describe as "Metta" or "universal loving kindness." It is the purest form of love that is free from desires and expectations, and loves regardless of the flaws and shortcoming of others. The love that accepts, forgives and believes.

Society has gotten us to think that showing love in any form somehow implies Eros only love. And yes sometimes when I show love it does get misinterpreted by the other as a romantic interest and I try to set that straight when I see it, but it does not stop me from giving genuine care and interest. I think as a society we sort of expect other peoples partners and families to show the most love and care. I made so many assumptions about people in the past. Believing it's not my responsibility to care in those way because of all the ways I have been labeled by a society that wants us to believe that you can only, and should only show emotionally intimate love and care to one other. I think it's bullshit. Absolute horse hockey. Just look around and see how many people are suffering depression and loneliness. At how many feel invalidated, passed over, not good enough and misunderstood.

Take some time today to show genuine care. To show love in a different aspect than Eros. Don't keep thinking that someone else will more than likely do it. If someone crosses your mind just let them know. A little goes a long way. Let's help heal one another and stop people from believing they are broken and forgotten. 

And now I am off to do exactly that.
In these bodies we will live. In these bodies we will die. Where you invest your love, you invest your life. -Mumford and Sons